Office Christmas Party

Casey and me went to a Holiday Party at a hip hop studio last night. It is on the floor above Hungry Man and they had invited the other businesses in the building, that's just us, WNYC, and an architecture firm. I had to leave early to meet Dan Oh. Casey hung around and tried to meet people. Grandmaster Flash did the last DJ set, but we were going to bed as this was happening.

Portrait Update

Ann (art coordinator), Morgan (art PA), and I (intern) finished the childish portraits of children project yesterday. It's a grand total of 28 drawings of stupid stupid children. I drew about 12 of the drawings you can see in the picture. If you look closely you might see some people you know!

Politics

Illinoians are really bad at electing governors, we do OK otherwise, just really not good at all with governors

Revolutionary Road

A few weeks ago I was waiting in line at the post office to buy stamps for my stupid internship when I noticed lying face down on a counter a beat-to-hell paperback book. The spine read "Revolutionary Road Richard Yates" and the back cover brandished adoring quotes by two heavyweights of 20th century letters, Kurt Vonnegut and Tennessee Williams. The title I recognized, having of course seen the posters for the film adaptation. The movie looks kind of weird though, seeming to ask us to believe that instead of dying in the freezing waters of the Atlantic Jack Dawson moved to New York, eloped with Rose, got her pregnant and then asked his friend the "Unsinkable" Molly Brown to help them buy a house in Connecticut. It almost sounds like that movie The Fountain right? I don't know, I never saw it. Anyway, I slipped the novel into my pocket that afternoon at the post office and last night, sitting in the glow of Luke's painting, I finally finished reading it. It's first rate domestic drama. I shant forget it anytime soon and recommend it wholeheartedly to all of you. If you must see the film, then you must, just be forewarned that Jack and Rose have changed their names to Frank and April.

Chidish Drawings of Children

Yesterday I spent the day using crayons to draw childish portraits of children.

For the past month I've been interning in the art department for a feature film. Right now I can't say which one (even though most of you know the title) because my job of drawing childish portraits could have and is supposed have gone to someone in the "scenic union." Apparently the coordinator could get in big trouble if a union employee found out. Anyway, I know I'm probably being overly cautious but better safe that sorry. Right?

My task was, and still is, to draw upwards of 20 portraits of children for a scene that takes place in a 3rd or 4th grade classroom. It is supposed to seem as though once upon a time all the children in the class drew pictures of themselves and then put them on the wall, maybe with an "Our Class" heading.

I've mostly been drawing pictures of my friends but I also drew a picture of a kid who really likes soccer (Peter) and a kid who really likes PlayStation (Stuart). I'll upload one or two of these pictures later today.

D Vitamins in sharp focus

I was experimenting with the manual focus on my digital camera, I made this Nature Made ad.

Tricks of a Woman

I found out some shocking news tonight.

The feature that I recorded sound for over the summer, Tricks of A Woman, has apparently won the "best of festival" prize at the Monaco International Film Festival.

I don't know what else to say.

My Crazy Day

Yesterday I worked on a shoot for a Sprint commercial, which filmed in Long Island. I was able to do this because I am currently working as an intern for the company that produced the commercial. My main duty for the day was to pick up a van, which the company had rented, at a garage in Chelsea in time to be at the Bowery Hotel at 6 a.m. in order to take some people to the set. The van was a big one, able to accommodate 15 passengers, so I had to be careful not to kill the advertising executives in my carriage to and from set. At noon I drove a seamstress home to Brooklyn and then picked up some child actors and their mothers and drove them to Long Island. For the next few hours I basically became a Wardrobe Assistant, driving around in a minivan with an Assistant Stylist from Walmart to Sports Authority and finally to a really really big mall returning clothes. For me to accurately relate how this experience made me feel would require better writing than I am willing to attempt right now. But you can fill in the blanks. The scene takes place in suburban Long Island. The sets are variously a minivan, big box stores, and a mall. The props are about two dozen very full and very heavy bags of clothes. The extras are frustrated salespeople eager to get home and ravenous holiday shoppers. The time, just before dusk to well after sunset.

This next part I really should have included earlier because it is one of the juicier elements in this story. The shoot was at an All Boys Catholic High School. In between class periods the sexually repressed youngsters would spill into the halls, sight female members of the crew, stop dead in their tracks, stare, and occasionally shout--not whisper to a friend nearby--shout, "Woah, there are Girls here!" All the women I spoke with were made understandably extremely uncomfortable by the whole thing and tried hard to stay out of the halls even while classes were in session. After school, since it was Friday, there was a dance, at which point the school and the students ceased to seem so weird. Suddenly and seemingly from nowhere there were girls around for them to dance and flirt with. Sitting in holding, which was in the cafeteria, I began to feel like I was chaperoning one of my own junior high dances, and I might at any moment have seen my eighth grade self, sweaty and tense, shuffle by. The shoot wrapped at 9 and I dropped the people back the Bowery at 10, making it a 17 work day for me. From here I picked up Rachel, Molly and Dan and took them along to return the van. We all then went out for dinner, followed by beers, for which Alexa joined us but which finally made me tired.

Hot Shots Part Deux

My Smart Move

Some friends and I were walking to the bus stop.

As we were about to pass the Greenpoint Police Station I saw an officer and a young long-haired bearded man exiting the front door. Given the course each of us was on we were going to run into each other (see Newton's first law). I opted to cut in front of the officer and his friend.

"Oh that's smart," the officer said, "walk in front of the criminal."

Good thing he was looking out for me.

While Walking...

a) Stay on a straight path.
b) Remain at constant speed.
c) Be aware of those who might be trying to pass you.
d) Slow to a stop.

*I overlooked one aspect that Stephanie Shephard has brought to my attention:

e) While walking with a group of people, spread yourselves the length of the sidewalk, not the width. Save arm-linking for your loved one, you and your friends are not obligated to create an obstructive moving fence.

Swoyer Family Thanksgiving

This year, just like every other year, my family hosted Thanksgiving dinner.

"A family-filled day of fun topped off with a feast fit for fifteen kings (and/or queens)."

The house was bustling with babies of all types, we had boys AND girls. It was the first Thanksgiving for my two baby nephews Elliot and Henry. My cousins also brought their little girl, Edie, who is almost two years old.

Pictured from top to bottom: Edie, Elliot, and Henry

With all the hat-wearing and attempts to consume inedible objects I think Thanksgiving 2008 can safely be called the most successful Turkey Day in the history of man.

Steal Yr Face

A while back I made a post about a painting that our friend Luke was giving to us (on loan) called, Steal Yr Face. It's been a long time since I made that post but today it became a reality! Luke painted Steal Yr Face in 2007 while studying abroad in Barcelona. I'm not really sure what his take on the painting is, all I know is that I like it. A lot.

Here it is hanging in our living room (taken one hour after the hanging):

Here's another angle so you can better understand how it's situated (taken one hour and two minutes after the hanging):

Slownite "Samples"

As if I haven't posted enough of my music on here already...

One night last February (2008) I started trying to use a computer DJ program called Traktor to make a mix. I didn't know how to use it at all and got distracted with the looping tool. For the next two months I started making songs that pretty much centered around the idea of misusing Traktor to make monstrosities out of other people's music. As time went on I learned about other features Traktor had to offer. If you listen to the whole album all the way through (which I don't recommend doing) you can probably see the transformation.

Anyway, I present to you the first Slownite release (a double disk) now available on the internet:

Samples [Disk One - Dample]
Samples [Disk Two - Gettin' Friends]

(Dad, you will NOT like these)

Tanks @ Goodbye Blue Monday

Last Friday my friend Adam's band, The Tanks (from Iowa City), played in Brooklyn at a place called Goodbye Blue Monday. I hadn't seen them play in maybe a year because they had to take a few unforeseen hiatuses during the recording of their newest album, Keep Breaking Down. I was blown away at how much more developed they sound now, it's amazingly full for being comprised of just drums, bass, and vocals.

The bands that opened were really funny. Two of them had a real 90's experimental vibe that involved a lot of touching the ends of guitar cables with their hands, looping the noise, and then applying minimal effects, all while sitting in a chair looking very serious. They were both pretty bad.

Anyway, the show had everything: cave man outfits, fake blood, funny effects pedal belt, too many amps, heckling, rock, and a venue that was basically a coffee shop with a ton of old shit piled high against every wall.

If anyone is interested you can buy the new album here (for fans of more rockin' sounds). You can listen to The Tanks on their myspace.

On a side note, I made myself another promise that I would update this blog way more frequently than I have been lately. I'd like to know what kind of stuff people are liking so I don't bore people. Should I keep uploading music? You want more stories of things I did? You want thoughts? Any requests? I might update a few times today to make up for the lack of posts!

Dammit's Cave

I'm finished with the new Slownite EP and it has been uploaded to the internet. The album is called Dammit's Cave. It's only four songs I made in GarageBand (no pre-made loops though, don't worry), nothing too serious. It has some cover art that was made by my friend Nash Wiley:


Tracklist:

1. The Trio
2. Dammit's Castle
3. Heinous
4. Sax Duo

Dammit's Cave is available for download please download it and let me know what you think!

Download Dammit's Cave

Hot shots

Arthur came over last night. It had been a while since I had last seen him, several months at least. Rachel also came over over and the three of us talked about his new job as a nude art model. He talked of wanting some nude photos of himself and I volunteered to take them. Just as Arthur was finishing stripping down Casey and Molly walked in. When he heard what we were doing Casey became extremely animated and swung into action with the light he bought a while back. We took about 15 in all, Rachel (clothed) even posed for a couple with Arthur (nude). I am a little concerned about having them processed, but I think if I talk to the guys at the lab beforehand everything should be cool. Some of the more vanilla shots might end up here in a week or so.

2 orders of business

1. I am glad for my last post, first and mainly, because it corrected a couple misguided readers, kolin and molly, as to the title of this blog. Yes, it is "palace" and not "place." I don't know how many more of you there were, but hopefully this confusion has been cleared up for good!

2. Secondly and secondarily, I appreciated the critiques of the new logo. As some have no doubt noticed we change this frequently, though not regularly. More like whenever casey or myself gets tired of what the other has last put up. Maybe dan will start making some too. I hope so, these logos are as important to this experiment as the content and should be updated with the same frequency, which at this rate is every week.

POLL

I made this new blog logo today. I am somewhat happy with it. I wanted it to be very readable as "calyer palace" but with "palace" facing in the wrong direction so as to draw attention to the rhyme "cal pal." It's not as readable as I had intended. Give some feedback if you're so inclined.

Filler

Sorry for the recent lack of posting. I feel like my roommates have been dropping the ball. They are entirely to blame for the fact that there has been no activity on this blog for the past five or six days (at least it wasn't a week). Here is what's been going on:

Jobs: A few weeks ago Dan started an internship with an online video production company. He's already gone on a shoot that involved interviewing Akon. Apparently Akon is not as much of a bad ass as he makes himself out to be (he was only in jail for three months). Today Andy started his internship at Hungry Man, a production house that makes all sorts of moving image. I continue to work on the light pollution movie. More on these jobs later...

Halloween was this weekend. I was a vulture, Dan was sports cat, and Andy didn't dress up as anything. I don't know if there are any pictures but if I find any I will post them.

I've been watching a lot of 3rd Rock From The Sun lately.

Yesterday was the New York Marathon. I woke up to the sounds of music and cheering, I looked through the blinds to find out that the marathon route went right past our apartment! After watching for a few minutes a got bored and did something else.

I've been working on a new series of songs to be released on a five-song EP that has the working title of Dammit's Cave. I'll upload it when I'm done so people can download it. Dan and I are going to start recording music this week too, but it will probably be a while before any of that is finished.

Here's a preview track from Dammit's Cave called, Dammit's Castle:

Click Here To Download Mp3

BIG PROGRESS

We made some real nice photos tonight, real nice. Here are some you haven't seen, plus one I took of a cool thing Dan made.

Photofun Kitchen

I bought a light reflector shield at the hardware store today. These kinds of lights are a very affordable way to light subjects for pictures and movies. About an hour ago we decided to test it out in the kitchen. Here are two photos I took before my camera battery died:


Overall I think worked pretty well, but I might need a second one to light the rest of the face.

Swoyer

If you've been to the movies lately you were probably subjected to the ever righteous flag-waving, race car-driving, gun-toting, soldier-filled, rock stylings of the music video for Kid Rock's latest masterpiece, Warrior. It makes me feel gross when I watch it. If you haven't seen it, it can be found here. Watch at your own risk.

However, if you change the lyrics slightly, you can turn Warrior into a much better song. Here's an example I came up with that involves changing the word "Warrior" to "Swoyer." Check it out:

(Background Voice) Swoyer

So don't tell me who's wrong and right
When liberty starts slipping away
And if you ain't gonna fight
Get out of the way

'Cause freedom ain't so free
When you breathe red, white and blue
I'm giving all of myself
How 'bout you?

And they call me Swoyer
They call me loyalty
And they call me ready to provide relief and help, I'm
Wherever you need me to be

I'm an American Swoyer
Oh
I'm an American Swoyer
Citizen Soldier

Ahhhhh Yeahhhhh!

(Background Voice) Citizen Soldier

I'll never leave another behind
I will never accept defeat
I'm a Soldier in war
Civilian in peace

'Cause freedom ain't so free
When you breathe red, white and blue
I'm giving all of myself
Cause that's what I do

And they call me Swoyer
They call me loyalty
And they call me ready to provide relief and help, I'm
Wherever you need me to be

I'm an American Swoyer
Citizen Soldier

Wait, no! Stop! Please stop! I need to go throw up now, at least right after I retrieve a scared Iraqi child's soccer ball from the middle of the street. I am the guardian of freedom and I will never accept defeat!

With God on Our Side

Last night, while Dan, Casey and Molly were out seeing Assscat, a fully improvised comedy show, I stayed in and painted my room a lovely "Boothbay Grey." This color is one shade lighter than "Puritan Grey," which I wasn't quite man-enough to go for. It looks good, but somewhat resembles the color of my room in my parents' house. Does this just mean I like this color a lot? Am I so used to it that I picked it out of unconscious familiarity? Does it make me feel "home"? I don't know how I feel about this similarity. In any event, it's better than the abhorrent cream color that Irene likes to coat her building in. I think she called it "desert." Ugh.

Here is a picture of Boothbay Grey and some pictures I just found on my camera that Molly took a few nights ago in 3L.

Roach Sighting

We opened a drawer tonight to find a cockroach and a few of its friends stirring about. They were all been immediately slaughtered...

To send a message.

Casey wrote this, not Andy.

Landslide

One night over the summer I decided to make a cover of Landslide by Fleetwood Mac. I thought I'd upload it. It's pretty cheesy.

Click Here To Download MP3

Count Down To "Steal Yr Face"

Tonight I went and picked up what will soon be the largest painting hanging in our apartment. Not only will it be the largest painting in 3L, but it will also be the largest that I personally have ever shared a home with. I refer to the future because currently the painting resides within a large cardboard tube located in the kitchen. It's in such a state because our friend Luke, who painted it and was nice enough to give it to us, had taken it off of its frame and rolled it up for storage purposes. We will not be able to hang the painting, which is called Steal Yr Face, until we build a new frame for it so that he can come over and re-stretch the canvas. Here is a little sneak peak of Steal Yr Face, the dimensions are six by six feet (we barely have a wall that can fit the whole thing):


Hopefully it will be up by the end of this weekend and we can upload some photos of it hanging in our small living room!

Don't Tread On Me

"Hello," I said.

It was Irene, my landlord, entering the building this afternoon.

"Hello," was the response.  I held the inner door for her while she held the outer door for me.

Why was she coming in?  Was she going to check on the construction on the third floor?  What if she was going to knock on my door?  No, then she would have said something to me.

Thermos Mishap

Yesterday I left our apartment with the intention of buying a high-grade thermos. I'm getting up a little before dawn later this week to go into Manhattan and help videotape my employer look for dead birds that have flown into the buildings overnight (more on this later) and I thought it would be a good idea to bring along a thermos of coffee. Plus, having a thermos just seemed like a smart idea. I walked on over to Zaya's Appliance Store which turned out to be having a huge sale so instead of leaving with a thermos I left with everything in the store!

I seriously left with the whole store instead of buying a thermos! I told Zaya right to his face, "You think I give a damn about this thermos anymore? I want the whole fucking store! Wrap it up, package it, put it in a bag, tie pathetic little piece of twine around it and hand it over because now I got some shit to take care of!"

When I got back to the apartment I realized that I didn't actually purchase everything in the store. It turns out I only got exactly what I went there for, which was the Stanley 24OZ. Classic Vacuum Food Jar. Here's a picture:

Here's a picture of it being used that I took from the Stanley website, the picture file was labeled man-pour.gif:


Ha ha ha, man-pour. Soon that will be me. Here's some information on the thermos:

"The Stanley® Classic Food Jar is the ultimate in durability. Double wall stainless steel unbreakable vacuum insulation will keep coffee or soup hot all day long, day after day. The Classic Food Jar has a stainless steel lid that can be used as a bowl, a wide mouth opening, a heavy duty handle and a rust-proof finish. Every Stanley® is backed by a lifetime guarantee."

Features:

• Double Wall Stainless Steel Vacuum Insulation
• Durable Rust Proof Finish
• Wide-Mouth Opening
• 12oz. Lid Doubles as Bowl
• Lifetime Warranty
• Leak Proof

Jealous?

Watch Out Late-Night Ladies

I currently make my income by logging tapes for a documentary on the subject of light pollution (as in pollution caused by excessive lighting). I hope to post more about this experience as time goes on but for now I'd like to share an interesting and unexpected piece of information. While logging an interview of a scientist with a PhD in breast cancer research I learned that women who do shift work (work nights and at other unusual times) are fifty to one hundred percent more likely to develop breast cancer than women who don't. The studies that show this are "remarkably consistent" and because of this shift working has been upgraded to the status of a Probable Carcinogen.

It is possible that the cause of this stems from the hormone that is released when your eye is exposed to artificial light.

I apologize for not being able to explain this in more detail or link specific studies.

A Brief History of the Palace and a History of How I Came to Know That History

A couple weeks ago, while passing by the bar, Dan was pulled aside by Irene to chat, as we so often are when we pass by that bar. This occasion was when Irene mentioned that the building is protected by the city as a historic landmark. Talking to Dan later, I learned that the wooden shingles on the facade, which can be seen here, were given as evidence of 156's historical relevance.

"What were these shingles about?" I wondered. Doing some preliminary research on a real estate site I learned that the building was built in 1930 and is valued at a dollar amount far lower than our rent would suggest. This information, at least the former piece, turned out to be a gross inaccuracy. My friends, don't trust the Internet.

Later, on said Internet, I found a digital scan of the "Greenpoint Historic District Designation Report," all 92 pages of it, approved by then mayor Edward I. Koch. I scrolled through it, stopping every few pages to read something of the history of the neighborhood, until I came upon a passage, which I quote now in full. The history of 156 Calyer:

"No. 156 is a four-story frame flathouse built about 1880 for James Youngs, a builder, who also erected No. 154 about eight years earlier. The first floor probably was always used for commercial purposes but now the storefront has contemporary brick facing. The three upper floors are residential and clad in novelty shingles, a feature associated with the Queen Anne style. This was a popular facade material for frame buildings at the time the building was erected. There are two other fine examples of this sheathing material at 109 and 126 Noble Street. Here, the shingles are cut in two ways: a straight edge and a scalloped or fish-scale edge. The fish-scale is used to emphasize the floor divisions and the spaces between the windows. The windows are square-headed and enframed by architrave moldings and brackets that carry continuous hooded lintels. The roof cornice has been removed but the parapet has been sympathetically covered with modern wooden shingles. The Lorimer Street facade presents a dramatic and largely intact expanse of the shingle siding. The treatment is similar to the main facade but a shallow three-sided oriel on wooden brackets rises at the center from the second floor. This oriel is flanked by windows. At the rear of the ground floor is an intact, original entrance to the flats on the upper floors."

In the future this post will be re-titled, "Dry & Anti-climactic."

Show Your Love

I'd like to request that everyone who reads this blog declare it so by adding themselves to our "Readers" section. If we get more than 10 people up in there then the section name will be changed from "Readers" to something more exciting. It's support from our friends that will keep this blog going through its second week of existence.

Tune in tomorrow for the one week anniversary celebration post!

Last week at our local corner store, God Bless Deli Grocery, I spotted actress and comedienne Janeane Garofalo.

She entered with a younger tall dark male companion and stood in line at the counter.

I didn't stick around long enough to find out what she wanted at the counter, but perhaps:

A) Cigarettes

B) Directions

C) $2.50 Cheeseburger

3L is now wondering if she may be another Greenpoint dweller.

The Loud Sound

I heard a very loud sound. It sounded like an engine revving just once. Then there was silence.

It's three minutes later now. The engine has just revved twice more. Three more times. Two more times. Just one extended revving. It is accompanied by the sounds of Polish laughter.

Three more minutes have passed. One quick one. Bring it on!

HISTORIC

Foreign Space Journey

Prior to making the pasta mentioned in the previous post Dan, Eamon, and I improvised a song. It's called, "Foreign Space Journey." It was recorded in my room with the external microphone on a Sony Cassette-Corder TMC-929. Andy took some pictures. Maybe he'll post them later!

Click Here To Download MP3

Last Night (October 10, 2008)

1) Made pasta with my pal Eamon. Lots and lots of mushrooms and onions. We were The Basil Brothers.

2) Birthday party at the Charleston (bar). Was not feelin' it. Too loud, couldn't hear my friends.

3) Turkey's Nest (bar). Bottle of beer for $3.00 or 32 ounce Styrofoam cup of beer for $3.50. Andy and Eamon used the womens restroom with ease. Dan used the womens restroom and someone scolded him because he obviously was not a "Turkette."

4) Spacious bar with bowling alley in it. Cement floor, seemed like a garage. Very neat place. This picture was taken of Eamon after he said he wanted to dance:


5) Snuck into Polish night club seeking dancing. Avoided $15.00 dollar cover by going up emergency side entrance. Danced a lot. Stood out by being only the four guys who didn't have some stranger rubbing her ass all over our junk. Attempts were made by Eamon to dance with girls. No success except for one partial in which the girl said she would like to dance but she was with her mom and it would be weird. Eamon was asked to move so that a very large black man could sit down and have his girl work her stuff on him. The man was tired of standing. Tried to leave by going out the emergency door we came in through. Got yelled at and told to use the normal entrance.

6) Returned to apartment around 2:30AM to find that Life on Mars was still shooting. Talked to the extras for a while. They were very nice. Met a guy named Tim who told me wild stories about the teamsters in Boston secretly controlling the industry. Eamon really wanted to go upstairs so I gave him my keys. He said he had to go to bed. His parting words were, "Goodnight f*ggotron." The extras may or may not have heard him. He was immediately overcome with guilt.

7) Eamon went to sleep on two arm chairs pushed together. Watched Late Night with Conan O'Brien with Andy and Dan. Went to bed.

This post's name will be changed to: Eamon's Night Out

Movie Magic!

On Friday the guys in this photo and many others not pictured spent almost 12 hours transforming the social club into a big time movie set for a scene for an upcoming episode of the new television series Life on Mars. 12 hours, one scene, TV.

Grips, I call them illusionists! Like 20 David Blaines running around here all day. It was beautiful. Really, they did a gorgeous job.

Time Warner Guy

I wake up to Andy strolling into my room like it's nobody's fucking business. Close behind him is a large hat-wearing Hispanic man with an identification card hung around his neck and a tool box in his left hand.

"Time Warner is here to install the Internet," Andy says. My head moves from Andy to the man looming behind him. He extends his hand.

"Hey man, how's it going?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

He is well.

Andy and I retreat to the living room which joins my bedroom. We watch Seinfeld as the cable guy begins hammering a cord along the wall. Everything is fine. Soon we will have the Internet.

Suddenly, emitting from my computer is the strangely familiar sound of a drum being struck. I hear it once, the second hit is cut off by the cable guy pressing the mute key. I quickly realize this sound is so familiar because it is part of the drum-only soundtrack to a silly pornographic art film I shot and edited for my friend (porn in art projects is still going on apparently). I jerk my head around to see the cable guy who is now sitting at my computer franticly closing windows, pressing keys, and moving the mouse around. He looks at me briefly and then looks back at the computer screen which is out of my view.

I sit nervously not knowing what to do. Is he really watching what I think he is, or am I just paranoid? Seinfeld is no longer funny because there is a stranger fifteen feet away who might be watching the only art-porn I've ever been involved in making. Andy is unaware of what is happening, he makes conversation that I can barely respond to.

I realize I am not wearing a shirt. "I better put a shirt on," I say as an excuse to get a look at the computer screen. I walk over and see that this snooping piece of shit is in fact watching the art-porn. Without turning around he hides the movie window. I look away just as he turns around to locate me in the room. I know what he is thinking: does this shirtless twenty-something know I am watching his porno flick?

Of course I know you're watching it you fucker... And it's not mine. It was a friend's project! I swear!

I return to the living room and sit, waiting for him to leave. He starts laughing.

"Aww shit!" I hear. He takes out his walkie talking and begins speaking very loudly, in Spanish, to a woman on the other end. He speaks enthusiastically, like he can't even believe what he's seeing. I try to follow along but he is speaking to quickly for me to understand what he's saying. The conversation goes on for two minutes. He says goodbye to the woman on the other end. The woman who I'm sure now thinks the cable Internet subscriber at 156 Calyer Street is a pervert. Or at least a very unoriginal art student.

Time passes and the cable guy says he is finished. We thank him. He leaves.

I go to my computer to find the art-porn hidden from the finder, but still open. The cable guy must have forgotten to close it.

Nice!

Hey now now now, my main man Big Bee comin' here and representing it real hard with The 3L Doctrine -- straight from his heart to his mouth. All I know is I wanna to get the...

Get the...

Get the...

Get the...

Get the fabulous D.E. (The Dazed Euthanist) out here to join in with me and say, "Yo banana boy!" There's truth to that.

Yo Banana Boy!
Yo Banana Boy!
Yo Banana Boy!

(We wanna keep it easy and we wanna keep it consistent.) Here's what Big Bee is up to:

3L IS JUST A SHELL
FROM WHICH WE BROADCAST
FORTH
TO TELL Y'ALL HOW WE FEEL
ABOUT THE GLOBAL CONDITION
A FUCKED UP SITUATION
THIS EARTH CANNOT BE REAL
IT MUST BE A FACSIMILE
PRODUCED BY COMPUTER IMAGERY
FOR OUR CONSUMPTION IT'S LIKE SYNERGY
I'M FEELIN' LIKE YOU'RE FEELIN' ME
BUT IF NOT LET ME BREAK IT DOWN LIKE THE DISTILLERY
WE MAKE THE EARTH
GOD SOWS THE SEED
WE TILL THE SOIL AND BURN THE WEEDS
UNTIL OUR BIRTH WE ARE FREE
WE ARE OUR OWN MOTHERS
WE HAVE NO OTHER BROTHERS
OR SISTERS
MISTERS, THIS IS THE 3L DOCTRINE

Here We Are

Welcome to

the real

show.